Monday, December 20, 2010

Weird day good and bad

So it's late and I am just winding down from work so this will be short but sweet. First I will start off with the good....I got a second job on friday, which I was so super happy about! It's at a nice restaurant downtown, more details later. So I worked every night this weekend at my banquets job, always until 230 in the morning, which is exhausting, my feet are about to burst into flames! It's very repetitive work, but the staff is usually pretty nice and you get to meet some nice people. So I'm not gonna complain too much about that bc I am so grateful to be working so much, as opposed to barely or not at all like before!
Today though, I did a training shift at 12 in my new job, then went straigh from there to the banquets job until midnight. I knew it was gonna be a long day, but I consoled myself with the fact that I knew I had moonday off to recuperate. The new job seems good so far and everyone there was really nice, so I'm crossing my fingers. They are fully booked on tues night for a big event, so I am working that and I'm hoping for good tips!
So now for the bad. Someone 'took' my phone today at the second job. It was at a big hotel and yes it was kind of my fault bc I was in a hurry and left it in the staff bathroom. But really, the staff bathroom? I mean you know it's an employees phone and u swipe it? My boss said nothing was turned in and even called up to the lost and found or front desk or whatever and nothing was turned in. Yes its a possibility that it might still get turned in but he even called it for me and it went right to voicemail on the first ring. It was fully charged, so to me that says that whoever has it turned it off for whatever reason. I hope they have a conscience and turn it in but I'm not optimistic at this point. It's sad that the world is turning out this way; I mean I know that not everyone would keep it, some would turn it in. It's just funny bc I recently found a phone at a club and I returned it to the owner. They came and picked it up from my house and wanted to give me a small cash reward but I wouldn't take it. I figure karma would appreciate the gesture. Ok, time to pay it forward people, you never know when u might need the good karma! Anyhow I have my old phone still and am going to bell in the morn to activate it. I feel so naked without my phone! So long story short, yeah I guess this isn't such a short blog! Just facebook me if u need to get ahold of me but my phone should be all good by tom afternoon again! Waaahhh my poor blackberry Im going to miss it! Unless of course someone turns it in but Im not holding my breath!
So in tears and feeling dejected, I am trudging to the skytrain and then realize that it's sunday and the last train is at 1215am! No biggie but at the time all I wanted to do was get the heck home as quick as possible as I was exhausted from the 12 hours.I took the bus and it didn't take that long, but it was just funny that I was getting such an ass kicking between that and losing the phone. Suffice it to say I am very happy to be home! Cuddles with dog and sleepytime is in order. My cathartic ramblings are done for the day!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Tree decorating and baking

So, I had put it off for long enough and it just needed to be done! I am talking about putting up my xmas tree of course. It got me into the holiday spirit, which I needed. I am not going home for xmas this year, which is okay, because I am spending it with great friends, but I wasn't feeling as festive as I would have liked. Tree up, problem solved.

So I played friends on the television in the living room while I dressed the tree; felt all warm and fuzzy doing it! Since I seemed to be in a happy homemaker mood, I decided to make sugar cookies. Originally I would have loved to use christmas cookie cutters, but I had none, so I just made regular ones. But they turned out quite nicely; I covered them in a quick pink butter icing and some sprinkles. I know they are pink but I put them on an xmas plate I had just to be festive.

Now its time for milk, cookies, and family guy reruns. The tree lights are twinkling, the house warm and cozy and smelling like baking. Sigh. Sometimes its the little things that make you happy.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Mcdonald's happy meals

Okay, I'm just giving my random thoughts on this. If you follow this link and read it, it saves me having to explain it all. Also, it is a little bit of a good read, or if you are me, offers a good laugh.

Listen, I'm all for the fast food restaurants providing better quality and more healthy foods, but let's get some perspective people. It's called fast food and junk food for a reason. We know it's not all that great for us; it's supposed to be a treat, not something we eat everyday. But that actually takes me to a whole other level of conversation about how it's cheaper to eat crap than healthful foods, which of course I beleive is wrong. Just google and watch Food INC if you haven't already, beacause it is an eye opener and a good show, and touches on all that. But I digress. My point here basically is that yes McDonalds happy meals do use the toys to lure the kids in, but it is up to the parents to monitor how often their kids go there, etc. I mean, grow a spine people. I wanted to smack the lady that made a comment about saying it's already hard to say no to kids and this is another thing to say no to. Oh well boohoo for you. My mom said no to me lots, it didn't crush my world or make me hate her. It's called being a good parent. Even as a child I knew, just like pop or candy, that McDonald's was a treat, not an all the time thing. In fact, that's what made it so much more special and enjoyable, because I knew it was a rarity. To me, it's just another thing for people to make a stink about. Trust me, to a degree I get their point and appreciate that they are trying to do something to better the situation, but honestly, I'd rather they take that effort elsewhere. Like worrying about starving children in Africa that would kill for a cheeseburger, or wars or human rights. To me, it's all about priorities. This is just my opinion.

up to date

So much has happened the last couple weeks. Thankfully, I did end up finding a job; maybe not my dream one but it's a means to an end right now. I'm working for Executive waiter resources, which is basically an agency that contracts you out to work banquets and events at different hotels. If you work something like 200 or so hours for this agency, after that you can go work at any of the hotels if they want to hire you. It's actually a pretty sweet opportunity, because it's a good chance you will get hired at one of the hotels, because they have been getting to know you already. The wages are surprisingly good too, I know at the hotel I was at last weekend, that the banquet staff average 19$ an hour. It is hard work, I have to say, but you get treated fair, eat for free, and get 30 min breaks. It's also good just working at the agency. You don't get as much per hour as you would being a permanent hotel employee, but you pretty much get to work on your own schedule. I phone the agency at the beginning of each week and tell them my availability and then they pen my shifts in. This is also good if you have another permanent job, which I still plan on getting. But this is a good start right now, I work all weekend, which I am happy to do. So yes of course this means that I am no longer at Fiasco. Soon, there will no longer be a Fiasco, thus the not working there. A little sad, but the risk you take opening a new restaurant.
I will be taking this next semester off from school to work and concentrate on life, basically. There's just a few things I feel I need to focus on in my life right now, and I need as much free time as possible to do that. I do feel that in the long run it will turn out to be a positive experience. I am wanting to save some money for travelling, school, loans and other things, which are all paramount to my happiness right now. This is a good thing, and I am looking forward to it!
One little sad thing; my daddy got into a car accident 2 weeks ago. He is ok, a little bruised and banged up, but not too bad considering. They say his nose is fractured/broken, so they will need to repair it soon. But my dad has had his nose broken quite a few times, so I know he is tough and can handle it. At the moment he is generally quite sore all over, which is normal after an accident. I told him he can expect to feel like that for awhile, the body likes to have a delayed reaction to these things for whatever reason. So of course I am beyond happy that he is okay; it sure puts things in perspective though. We so easily take both our lives and our loved ones for granted. It could have been so much worse, and thank God that it wasn't. But it only takes a minute to lose a loved one, if nothing else if made me want to be there more with the people I care about.
In addition, when my dad got into this accident, he crashed from head on and totalled his car/truck hybrid. I know this may sound silly, but both my sister and I were really sad when we heard this; we know how much my dad loved that car. Being a mechanic, he pimped it out, if you can imagine a 72 year old man, "pimping" anything, lol!It was his baby, he was always fixing and tinkering with it. He's had it at least since I was 12, it's sort of like his calling card. He was never going to sell that thing, and now it's just gone. Like I said, it may seem like such a frivolous thing to be upset about since he got in a bad accident. It's just we know how much it meant to him, and we know he will miss it a lot. It was his car baby. I think at some point later on I will write a lil blog about it, and give more explanation. I actually have some wonderful memories of that car, and will post pics. It was a very unique vehicle, no one's ever seen one like it.
Today, I am planning on staying home, chilling, and maybe putting up the tree! Tis the season and I really feel like getting in the mood. Nothing does that better than putting up the tree and maybe doing some holiday baking. In addition to that, I am looking for a new roommate for january first, so I've posted an ad on craigslist, and will be planning a viewing for sometime in the next 3 days. So I'm being kept busy with that. It is a little stressful, worrying that you will find someone, and find someone good, but I know it will happen. It's the 15th today, so I still have time, I just like to be prepared and not have it left to the last minute.
So it's been an interesting week, but things are starting to look up, I think. I have a reliable job again, and all my loved ones are alive and well. Everything after that is a bonus in my books!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010


It's been an interesting couple of weeks, to say the least. I'm getting ready for finals, which isn't actually anything too difficult or stressful as I only have 2 exams, and I am already well prepared for them. I'm more concerned with finding another job right now. My current/previous job has closed its doors permanently, so I am a free agent right now. Unfortunately, finding work has posed more than a bit of a challenge. Many places aren't busy or hiring, or if they are the competition is fierce. I've had more then one employer tell me that their job postings bring in responses of more than 500 resumes. It can be easy to get discouraged, but I am trying not to have that mentality. I went for 3 interviews this week, and hope to hear from one of them. I also redid my resume, polished it up a bit, along with my cover letter, and have been emailing them like crazy. I also have been going out and dropping off alot of resumes. My goal is to find something by the 15th, no matter what. I, as everyone else, have bills and xmas shopping I'd like to do in the near future!
The silver lining here is that I will be making some big lifestyle changes in the very near future that will help me to facilitate my life. I will also not be going back to school for January semester. At this point, I need to concentrate on working and getting my financial self in order. That does in turn end up helping me achieve my goals; that's the things about life, most goals cost money, whether they be finishing school, travelling, or buying a house. So I'm just going to concentrate on that and myself and my life and what I need to do to get to where I need and want to be.

Monday, November 22, 2010

No more

It used to be okay when I was young and impulsive and didn't know how to stand up for myself. But its not okay to be treated like this anymore. When in my early teens and 20's I did make a lot of mistakes, I did hurt some close friends of mine. I have tried to learn from my mistakes and become a better person. The problem is, as much as these friends of mine say they have forgiven me, obviously they have not bc past incidents are still being brought up. This is all I can say. Nothing I do ever seems to be good enough for them, whatever efforts towards friendship I make, its seems they think that everyone else is such a better friend than me, that somehow the things I do have alterior motives. That I'm trying to be sneaky. The truth is, I'm just not that devious, it's not in me to conjure up the meanest thing I could do to hurt someone. The truth is that I am being painted as a usual. My past mistakes, most of which were made over 8 years ago, must be the reason for this, as I have tried not to do anything dishonest since. The sad thing is, even though I did some stupid and hurtful things in my past, I never did them intentionally to hurt someone. Not that this makes it okay, but in turn I have friends who have intentionally in the past done things purposly knowing they would hurt my feelings. That is thought out, premiditated, and the worst betrayal of all. But I tried to be fair, I tried to take responsibility for what could have been my part in it, perhaps I did in some ways create some of the situations where people felt compelled to lash out at me in that manner. I know, at the time, that I was not perfect.
The problem now is, no matter what good intent I do have, these people always have something to complain about. I don't divulge enough of my life, or give enough of my time, or am trying to be sneaky in my actions. Those are some of the accusations I get. Honestly, I never pretended to be perfect, but I always stay in touch with these people, phoning often,trying to be kind, calling for bdays and christmas, etc. It is not enough. They have to complain to me about how I don't seem to be trying, or blogging hurtful comments that they know I will read. If nothing else, its the blog that hurts the most. Because I also know other people may see that and know who they are talking about. If I ever thought those things of a friend, I wouldnt want them to find out in that manner. What a hurtful thing to do. The arguement here is now the way I am handling this situation. No, I cannot take back the way I reacted to it, nor do I wish to. I had tried to call this person just to say hello the other day. They were not answering, I figured they were out. No biggie. It was only after that when I read their hateful blog. They then returned the call they missed from me, not knowing I had just read their blog. Of course by this time I had no desire to speak to them, and was so hurt. So I didnt answer. I also deleted them from some of my social networking sites. I know what that implies. It implies you are done with them. It hurts to say it, but no matter what I do or how nice I am now or how much I try, even if I became a doctor and had a perfect life and did everything right. It still would never be enough. Everything that happens and everything I do never seems right to these people. I don't know what it is, but it isn't love. These people do not love me, and surely don't seem to appreciate me or have much use for me. So what good am I to them? What good will I ever be if they always have something to be unhappy about? Thats not what I want; I want my friends to be glad they know me, are happy to have me in their lives and appreciate me. I want to be able to offer them something valuable and special. I don't want to mistrust and be mistrusted.After so long, is this still how you see me? As immature and devious and useless? Then what good am I? I will make life easier for you; I won't be in yours anymore. Maybe that makes me an asshole, for walking away. At least I'm willing to stand up for myself and not be around people who think so little of me. I no longer desire to be friends with people who basicall think they are better than me and always will try to make me feel inadequate. Oh, I'm sure the other side of the story will paint me in some evil manner. Don't worry I'm used to it. It does of course hurt me to make this choice, but what other choice do I have? I don't want to work it out or talk about it; it's just going to happen again and I don't want to have a life like that. I deserve more, even if someone thinks I'm a bitch. I know who I am and that's all that matters to me.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Holiday workin'

Well, I must admit, it's been a rough couple of months. I started a new job in september, but being a new business, we are having a little bit of slow opening blues. Ie: we aren't as busy as we'd like to be. With that being said, we have ironed out the major kinks and now have a kick ass menu and chef. We also have some good christmas parties coming in this season, to hopefully keep us busy, and make future steady clientele. I work with a great team of people, and I really do want to stick around and see how far we can go. However, I do have to pick up a second job in the meantime, which kind of has to be my bread and butter job; its really got to put some cash in my wallet until job number one becomes more profitable. Simple, right? Well it seems everyone has the same idea as me right now because the pickings are slim. Either everyone has already done their xmas hiring, or isn't hiring at all. But I am not to be discouraged. Small bit of good news is also that I do have an interview tonight, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed for that. I know it'll all fall into place soon, but I'm trying to plan for xmas and we all know that costs money! I'm planning to go home to saskatchewan for the holidays, so I need to buy my plane ticket soon, I don't like doing things like that at the last minute! I figure I've got some good karma coming my way, can I redeem it now?

Thursday, October 28, 2010


It's so sad how things turn out sometimes. You always assume that your loved ones are going to support your decisions and, even if they don't like them, will come talk to you about them so that they can get the real picture, instead of jumping to the first and worst conclusion. You don't think they will go and spread around your dirty laundry because they are mad at you. That's not honorable. Whether it be family or friends, even if they have wronged me, I don't go and spill their thoughts, feelings or secrets to others the first chance I get. Two wrongs don't make a right. I may not be perfect, I have never implied that I am, but I would never dishonor myself or any of my loved ones in that manner. If nothing else, this situation has served to teach me who I can and cannot trust. Being ostrasized is never an enjoyable experience. But now I know that I am strong enough to stand tall, stand up for myself, and request that others take responsibility for their mistakes, I feel alot better. Just remember...karma doesn't discriminate against anyone. It holds everyone on the same level on the justice scale. What you give is what you get. So for those who have given poorly, karma has an appointment with you. I have given so much and gotten so little in return; but I know it's only a matter of time before that changes; so I am grateful for the life lessons, and will continue to try and do my best!

Monday, October 11, 2010

Thanksgiving revelations

I learned something important about myself last night. Well, not so much about myself as much as about the people in my life. Blood isn't always thicker than water. The word 'family' doesn't always mean relatives. Family are those people who love you, support you when you are down, are happy for you when you are happy, accept you for who you are, don't judge you, and most importantly, you can be yourself around them and fully enjoy their company! All I can say is I have some friends that fit the family bill better than my family does. I have decided that whoever actually fits into those parameters, blood or not, are the people I'd most like to spend the majority of my time with, on regular days or holidays. Don't feel obligated to be with people you don't make you feel good just because they are related to you. I know so many people who are completely miserable during the holidays because they think they have to spend them with their parents, siblings, cousins, uncles, etc, and they end up never having a good time. Being related, unfortunately, isn't a prerequisite for having to treat each other well. Now don't read into this too much. I'm not saying I'm being treated badly by anyone, because I'm absolutely not. It's more just a general feeling of not fully belonging, feeling like the outsider looking in. All I'm saying is I have people in my life that don't make me feel that way, and they're not related to me. But that doesn't make them any less important. In fact, it makes them more special because they're not my relatives; there's no moral familial obligation to be nice to me simply because we have the same dna.

Of course these feelings do not encompass my entire family unit; there are those who love me and accept me as I am and I fully enjoy them. They know who they are! All I can say to them is thank you for loving me with no judgement or limitations. It means so much to me!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Long overdue

It's been awhile. Partly for 2 reasons actually. First because my old laptop went to computer heaven so I didn't really have regular access to the internet. Second because I really didn't 'feel' like writing. Do you ever just feel like you have nothing to say? That's writers block for me, I just get in these modes where I don't have anything I want to say. I know, for those of you who know me that's sort of shocking right? Well, it happens to the best of us, right? It's not because I was depressed or anything, I just needed to process things, take a break from my mind; I feel like if I'm going to write I should have something relevant to say,(at least relevant to me) otherwise I shouldn't bother. So I'm going to try.

I read back on blogs I've posted in the past, and I get reminded of all the hopes and dreams and goals I have for myself. What it's made me realize is that I forget very quickly what those goals are unless they are screaming reminders in my face everyday. It's so easy to forget about what you want sometimes, it seems to get lost in the everyday problems of life, work, bills, etc. Time goes by so quickly and then you look back and realize all your dreams have been put on hold by all the bull that gets in the way. How do you manage to do the mundane things that you have to do everyday to survive (ie work) and then still have the drive or time or energy to remember that you need to pursue your passions as well? I guess that's one of the big reasons that I didn't feel like writing. I wasn't doing the things I wanted, wasn't pursuing them. Life goes by very quickly with just your job and school and chores to pass the time. It's like you take the time to look back on it and it's the same old story. I started out with all these goals, and yes I'm on the path to following some of them, but mainly, not so much. I had made a list of all these goals, but I didn't do what I should have with it. I didn't put it in my face. I didn't put it somewhere that I could see it everyday. That's what I need to do, I think that it would help. So that's what I'm going to do. End of story.

In other news, I got another job. It's in yaletown, and it's this great new italian restaurant/lounge called Fiasco. We just opened last week, and it's been going pretty good. We're relatively busy, but I know we'll get busier still, people just need to know we're there and we'll slowly grow from that. We have great food and cocktails plus live music and dj's on the weekend, so it's a great start. Plus I really love all the staff I work with, we have a great little team. Everyone is very experienced in the industry and really passionate about food and people. I'm excited to see where it goes! Come check it out if you're in Vancouver, and let me know how you like it! We are at 1168 Hamilton.

Besides that, I am in school part time. It's only one day, so I still have time for other things. I really need to start banking my christmas money now; I want to go home to saskatchewan this year. It's what I'm looking forward to actually. I haven't been home since last summer so of course I'm starting to get a little homesick. I think it'll do alot to boost my spirits. Yes I like xmas here, but PA is where I grew up and spent most of my holidays. It doesn't feel the same when I'm not home with them on the special days. Just like most families we have our own special traditions and I'm looking forward to that most of all.

Happy thanksgiving to everyone. Hope you have alot to be thankful for.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Hit the wall!

I did hit the wall, but not in a bad way. Let's just say I've had enough of waiting for things to get better, and now I actually feel driven and strong enough to actually go out and make it happen! I had an awesome time at work last night, all my customers were fun and engaging; I didn't feel like I was working, if only every day were like that! But there was this one couple in particular that were just spectacular. And I mean that in every sense of the word. They were celebrating their anniversary, and I must have spent half my shift just talking with them. They are both creatively artistic people like me, and 'bookies', ie people who love books and reading, and we had the most fun conversations! I just kept going by to 'pour their wine', and learned the most fascinating things. They could tell I was a big literature buff, and when I told them I was going to journalism school, they were not surprised. He himself is a writer, and she is an artist. I ended up telling them that sometimes it's really hard for me to write, and he said that I should try to find bit of time every day to write something, even if it's non sensical. It's just like any other muscle in the body, if you use it alot, it gets stronger. Of course I knew this, but it was nice to hear someone else say it, especially someone who's "been there". Although it wasn't an life changing conversation, it did give me something to think about, something I actually should be thinking about! So I guess we will see where these thoughts lead me!

Oh, and did you know that jose cuervo tequila is actually only 60% tequila and 40% something else? Apparently the creative couple are big tequila buffs, and they told me that. Hmmm, guess I'll have to google that to see!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010


So I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately, and there are some things I've come to embrace about myself. I am flawed, just like everyone else; it is okay to not be perfect, it is okay to make mistakes. The point is that I am constantly on the journey of discovery, not just about life and knowledge, but also about myself. Who I am as a person. This is some of what I know so far.

I am an emotional, feeling person. I've often let my heart rule my choices. This is, obviously good and bad. What I am proud of is how far I've come with it. What I mean is that I'm so much smarter now when it comes to decisions of the heart. I'm not that blubbering, wide-eyed lovesick optimist that I was when I was younger. That doesn't mean I'm jaded, it actually means that I'm wiser, more well adjusted and know now what's right and what I will and will NOT put up with. Here's what I know for sure. Even when I've been knocked out mercilessly by loves hangover, I've found a way to rise above, overcome and try to learn better for next time. I'm very good at standing on my own two feet now. I'm super proud that not once in my life have I had a man taken care of me; I've always paid my own rent and bills! And I'm smart enough now to walk away from anyone that can't be real and treat me how I should be treated! Basic point, I won't do anything that hurts me, I love myself too much for that, and I feel blessed to even realize that!

Friday, May 7, 2010

Good hair

So tonight I really wanted to have a nice girls night in....with myself! I've been picking up extra shifts at work, which is fine, but I knew that this would be my last free evening for a couple days, so I thought I would take advantage of it. I ordered takeout; chicken and ribs and spaghetti, anyone? Yummy! OMG, I wouldn't mind a bigger bum but it goes everywhere else too! Guess I'll just have to burn it off during my extra shifts! So I cozied up with the pup with my indulgent meal and set about watching a movie I'd been wanting to see.

 Good hair! It's a Chris Rock documentary about the black hair industry. I know, my first reaction was "Why is Chris Rock doing a documentary about women's hair?" You would be surprised, pleasantly so and simultaneously shocked and saddened. I learned a lot.  I won't go into it. I would just say watch it! It's really funny but also so revealing in that "I had no idea" kind of way. It makes you think even more about where everything comes from, even hair. It's becoming that just being a regular consumer violates about a dozen human rights issues, but I guess that's sort of the point. To make you realize that you do need to educate yourself about everything you put on, in or near your body. Not just for health reasons, but for humane ones. What Food INC did for grocery shopping, Good hair does for black hair. I know it may not be as relevant to you if you don't fit that demograph. But remember, we are all connected. What effects one of us will somehow effect all of us eventually. How many girls of all races do you know now that have extentions or weaves? Probably more than you even realize; they just haven't told you! So it does effect everyone. Just watch it and come to your own conclusions.

Here's the link.

Thursday, May 6, 2010


Well it's been a minute but lately my mind has been in about a million places. Been busy doing a lot of thinking as of late. I've been thinking about how I want to spend my summer. I'd really like to get as much enjoyment and time out of the soon to be warm season. To me it's all about quality of life; what I mean by that is I'm not 20 years old anymore and willing to work 60 hours a week serving. I have constantly worked weekends for over 14 years.....that's a long time! Not only that, in 12 of those years, I've never had more than a 2 month break from serving, ever. Yes I have an impressive hospitality resume and yes those tips are nice in the pocket, but how much fun is extra cash when you don't have time to enjoy it? I want weekends off! I don't want to miss out on all the fun times with my friends! Because nowadays, more of my friends work the mon-fri 9 to 5 then not. Not that I'm doing it just to see my friends more, it's so many reasons. I'm at the point in my life where I'm craving a normal schedule. Clearly serving doesn't often offer those type of hours. Which I don't completely have a problem with! I do have other skills I can utilize. My office experience is extensive enough that I can find work in an administrative position. I'm not afraid of the change, but I do know it will take some getting used to. I'm certainly not used to sitting in an office chair all day, but I'm willing to give it a go again. So I beefed up my resume and have been applying for admin jobs. I know that eventually someone will offer me a job so I just keep at it. I'm excited to see what I might get! So there's that.

There is also the matter of relocation. I've had some good times in my little home but I'm ready to have a view and sunlight again! (the downside of living in a basement suite!) I'm also excited about the prospect of a home that isn't constantly freezing cold! I feel like the darkness combined with the chilliness does make me more lethargic within my own home. I really do enjoy doing things around the house; cooking, painting, etc but when it's cold I just want to curl up in my bed with my puppy instead! So I thought I'd stay put here for the summer and move out in the fall but then I realized that's probably not the best time to move out what with all the students going back to school and getting places! So my tentative goal is to move out for the beginning of august! Hope I find something nice! Downtown wouldn't be horrible if I could swing it but I still love the drive area too.

Lots of changes on the horizon, all for the better. Wish me luck!

Friday, April 16, 2010

No more sick!

So I have finally been able to rejoin the land of the living. You never fully appreciate being well until you are not. You know how people say, "cheer up, at least you have your health!" Boy, is that ever true! Take a minute to really let that sink in, because we take so many things for granted, and our vitality is definetly one of them! So long story short, I was super fluish sick for almost the last 3 weeks; sore throat, no energy, not able to do anything at all hardly, not being able to enjoy life. Now I'm finally beating it and feeling better. Now, I'm in no way happy that I was sick...well not exactly. The funny thing is I'm grateful for it because I think it improved my resolve to really work on my health even more than I was before;eating even better, working out more. I am excited to be going for a morning run tomorrow, and me and the bestie are going to try to tackle the grouse grind sometime this week. Plus, I guess it doesn't hurt that spring has finally come, and it is gorgeous outside. Time to throw off the winter jacket and get the tanning lotion ready! I do feel, in so many ways, that I am coming back to life.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

nice things to think about

So, just a quick little blurb about something nice I thought of yesterday. I've been battling a cold the last couple days, which means I've been holed up in my bed at home, tired and achey with a sore throat. Well the fluish symptoms broke yesterday afternoon, and I had enough energy to get up and out of the house for a bit. It wasn't too chilly, and I took the pup with me for a saunter around downtown. Just being out and about, seeing all the people around, I began to feel better. There was this guy passing by me, a couple years older, and he was happily carrying a large bouquet of flowers. I started to smile, thinking of how nice it was to see kind people doing nice things for others. I wondered who he was bringing them to; his mom, a girlfriend, hell, maybe even a boyfriend! Sometimes just being reminded of the simple joys in life makes us remember why we are here!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Catching up

   This is gonna be short but sweet.....I'm super tired and have been working on homework most of the eve. But thank God, now it means I've pretty much finished it for the week so it's worth it. I've been fighting off a cold lately (seems almost everyone is!), but I have been starting to feel better the last 2 days. It's so frustrating to be sick because it just sucks up so much time that you could be doing other things; this cold didn't have too many horrible just knocked me out! I have just been so lethargic and tired, so I haven't done all the things I've wanted to do this last week or so. I did go for a run yesterday morning, which was harder than usual, simply because I was still recovering....boy did I ever sweat out the rest of my illness! (hopefully) Everything is going back to normal now, which is nice, and I plan to run more frequently as the sun run is coming soon and I want to be in tip top shape!

   Also it is going to be Iranian new year, otherwise known as "Norouz", on this saturday. In a very simplified explanation, it is the celebration of the new year and the first day of spring. I'm really excited, it's nice because it is a chance to see family and friends I don't get to see very often. I'm putting up a link about it for anyone who wants to know more about it!

   Other than that I do have a job interview tomorrow at Bridges, which is this popular seafood restaurant on Granville Island. I'm wanting to just pick up a second job for the summer, since school is winding down next month and I'll have some spare time anyhow. There are a few things I'd like to save for, so it'll definetly help! Wish me luck!

Quote of the day! (I thought this one was hilarious!)

                "Just let me pick up a few things."
                                - Imelda Marcos

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Knowledge is power!

Hmmm, what do I want to talk about today? I guess it would be about new beginnings. Our lives are always changing, always evolving, and, always surprising us just a little bit. There have been times where I thought there were just certain things in my life that would never happen a certain way.....and that is exactly when they happen that way! I guess fate, or karma have a sense of humour! I guess, at the end of it all, whatever unexpected highs and lows I seem to generally receive, there is one thing that I am truly proud of; and that is the way in which I am now able to handle whatever life throws at me. I am happy that I now understand much more clearly how it all works. Of course I am not at the end of the road of life, so I haven't figured out all of the rules. I think that I will constantly be learning something new about both myself and everything in general. Never think you know everything; as soon as you think you know everything, life will just come along and knock your socks off, just to remind you otherwise. Even a genius doesn't know everything. Knowledge is power, power comes from embracing knowledge and always yearning for more. That's what makes life so fun! You will never get bored with life if you are constantly discovering new things. It's like the man who suddenly got everything he ever wanted...he had nothing to live for anymore. In the same way, those who think they know everything are truly missing out....they are denying themselves the joy of the journey!  Don't deny yourself! Get up every morning excited for the school of life!

All I can say is naturally I do have good days and bad ones. But my good days are filled with new experiences, changes, and mistakes, and just growing and getting stronger and better all the time. Trust me, it is wonderfully terrific to feel that way!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

All the things I thought of today part 2!

So I guess I'm doing this mostly for myself. I'm trying to keep the promises I make to myself. Thus, I will continue to talk about all the things I think of in a day, continuing from last time.

So my dog. Oh, there are so many things to say about her. I love her to death; she makes my day brighter, and puts a smile on my face. That much is granted. When I am having a bad day, she will just come sit her wee little self on my lap and look up at me with those big brown eyes, and I feel just a little better than I did the moment before. How can life be that bad if God makes such adorable things that only want your love? But how I do worry about her.....I know that I don't always have as much time as I'd truly like for her.....I feel guilty that we don't get to do as many of the things as I always plan for us to do....go to the doggy park, go to obedience, go for daily walks. Don't get me wrong, we still do these things, just not as frequently as I'd like us to. I feel that if I did these things more often with her that she would be a better dog. Not that she is a bad dog, mind you, she just has some things that she needs to work on. She just had her first birthday, so she is still a pretty hyper rambunctious little monkey. I think that the hyperness sometimes takes over the part of the brain that remembers not to pee in the house, or that chewing the bottom of mommas couches is a no no. So I just try to reinforce her training, and trust that a combination of reaffirming and growing older will do the trick. She has learned sit, lie down, go outside, go in your kennel, go in your bed, here, and of course the often used no and bad dog!  Although I must say she is good more than she is bad, she's not a yappy little thing, and has such a sweet and loving disposition that it is hard not to love her. Still, I do worry and hope that she will be a smart, obedient, well adjusted little dog. She is already those things, I just know we can do better! Yes, if it sounds like I'm talking like I have a kid, she's the closest thing I've got right now!

Oh boys.....thats the thing I try to think about as little as possible, but sometimes it's hard not to. The time I find myself thinking about then the most is when I'm on the bus, listening to my music. Then I look back on old relationships, sometimes smiling about them, sometimes trying to hold all the sadness in so it doesn't show on my face and spill out of my eyes. There are things that I'm sad about and regret and are happy that they happened all at the same time. I wouldn't be who I am without all these choices, right or wrong. Of course, there are some that I think of more than others....the ones that I truly loved with all my heart....Ive been lucky enough to love three men that way, no matter the outcome I remember that my heart once belonged to them....and it gives me hope, that it can one day belong to someone else. Someone else that will love me for my strange and funny self, and someone who I will never be bored of. I want to never run out of things to talk about, and I always want us to make one another laugh. But the truth is, for the first time in my life, although I do want these things, I am not actively trying in any way to find him. Of course I did know this, of course people told me this.....that I have to take care of and love myself first, and the rest comes later. But you know how it is. Sometimes you have to figure it out yourself for it to make sense to you,  And now it does. I am doing more now for myself then I have ever done in my life. I am taking care of, loving, and nourishing me. In order for a man to be allowed into my life, he has to allow me to continue to do these things for myself, without stifling me, while at the same time giving me love and nourishment too. I know now that is the way that it is supposed to be with someone.

Home decor....well I can't get into that one too much without revealing too much. Let's just say for now that I have increasingly, unwittingly realized that my love for interior design is another part of my artistic inclinations coming out. It started from just loving to look through the ikea or sears catalogs, and wanting to make my place pretty, to watching HGTV and reading design mags compusively. I'm really into this kind of french contempo/modern mix, sometimes with a little middle eastern influence thrown in. Here's one pic that I really like.

There's this absolutely beautiful little furniture store on west broadway here, called Villa Beau interiors; its very french and black and white and mirrors and fabulousity! If I had the dinero, that's the first place I'd go to redo my home. It used to be right by where I used to catch the bus home from my old job. Whilst waiting for the bus, sometimes I would just stand in front of the window of the shop, taking it all in and daydreaming simultaneously. Have I mentioned that I love daydreaming? I do find that I have to actively try to keep it to a minimum, because if there's too much dreaming the bad side effect ends up being that I'm disappointed with real life. And I don't like that.

Video cameras. So I've noticed lately that I'm really enjoying making experimental self blogs with my webcam. Nooooo, I have not worked up the courage to post any of them yet, so don't ask! That's a whole other subject entirely! Regardless, I am enjoying it, but I noticed how crappy the quality is. Also, I've been watching some really awesome chick vloggers on youtube, and they talk about their cams on there, which are of course, those nice new hd quality cams. I also am doing more travelling and exploring and such, and would really like to chronicle mine and my friends experiences. Or just anything I find interesting or funny. Whatever! So I was in future shop one day and decided to check them out. My oh my, what rock have I been hiding under! They are so much smaller than they used to be, and so cute and come in so many colors! Hehehe, the things that I get excited about! And they are quite affordable too! Another thing to add to my "I want" list.

So I'm going to end this novel before it gets too big. Guess I'll just have to make a part three. Only thing I want to say really quick is that I just finished watching the movie Cairo Time. Now it's not a big blockbuster so many of you may not have heard of it, but I highly suggest you watch it. It is kind of a romantic movie, but it is also more. I wanted to go to Cairo before I saw this movie, but now even more. It's beautiful, scary, and oh so different from our lives here. Really makes you think about how there is just so much diversity in the world that we just don't get to see. Go, travel, see it! Also, I mustn't lie, I loved that Alexander Siddig is in it. I think that he is just the most gorgeous man, and his voice, well you just have to hear it. If you are wondering who he is, he was Dr Julian Bashir on Deep Space Nine (yes, we've already established that I'm a trekkie, you don't need to remind me!) , and he was also in Kingdom of Heaven and Syriana. I'd marry him if he wasn't so much older than me. Well, 14 years older, but who's counting? Guess I am?

Friday, February 26, 2010

All the things I thought of today part one.

I can actually say there are about ten times in a day where I see or think something in general and I think, "Oh, gee, I should blog about this!"  By the end of the day unfortunately, I forget what most of those things were. Trying to work on that one!  So I may end up going off on a few tangents today because I'm thinking of so many things today; money, my friendships, the olympics, my trying dog, ex boyfriends, home decor, video cameras, online name a few.  How do I keep up? Ok, I'll try to condense it.

Ok, money is first because I like that one the least. Lately, I've been having lottery fantasies; ie thinking of how I'd spend all that money. Of course, there are a few categories of lottery winning. There's 1 million, 10 million, and 40 million. So of course the sepending goes from reasonable, like paying off loans and getting a nice condo, to buying vacation homes all over the world and a rolls royce! So with that being said, I have, of course been buying lottery tickets almost every week. I am being reasonable and economic about it, I only buy about 5 bucks worth, plus the extra. So it's a harmless hobby that is nice to daydream about. Although I must say I think it has reached it's peak. It was really on my mind a lot more a month its waning, thank god, and I don't hyperventilate every time I check my lotto numbers.  I feel that one of the reasons that I'm feeling this way right now is that I'm not rolling in dough right now. But I don't like to talk about my financial situation....I can afford what I need with a little treat in between....a very little treat right now! I think I'm just sick of all this loan paying and being responsible with my money thing. Thus the lottery fantasies. I'm also feeling a little guilty because the last month or so I have been spending a little more recklessly than I should have and now I'm pissy that I have to 'buckle down'.  Ohhhh, but I just saw about 20, 000 things I want and I can't even buy one of them right now! Stupid sense of responsibility. Now I'm just irritated. Rrrrrrrr. In any case, I've decided to go get a second job again for the summer to make all that extra moola I so badly want. Stupid student loans, will you never be done! I swear to god if I can't go back to school full time this fall I'm going to throw away all my belongings and go live on the beach in a hut somewhere.

My friendships.....don't even get me started on that one.  Makes me sound ungrateful, I do love all my friends, just some of them stress me out more than others. (oh god bless me those of you who don't stress me out at all!) I hope I don't stress mine out too badly most of the time, at least I feel that most of the time I am pretty amicable. This is all I can really say about it. If someone is mad at you for something they feel you did to hurt or offend them, what happens when you apologize? Are they supposed to forgive you, or ignore you? Are they going to at least give you enough dignity to give you a response at least, good or bad? What if they are prone to fits of melodramaticism, then is it really all your fault? Baaaaahhhhh, hello I'm a big black sheep.

Another random thought. And let me just say that I am much better than a lot of my friends are at making the effort to stay in touch and calling regularly. Not better than all, just most. Just saying.

On a good note today, my stupid computer is fixed now. Blogging on here was really annoying to do on my blackberry. Berry sore thumbs!

Next is the olympics. Oh how I have a bipolar, love/hate relationship with the olympics! So, as I know most vancouverites feel, we all got a late start on getting that olympic spirit, but out it finally came the opening week. Out came the wanting to see the torch run when it arrived, the red mitts, the red and white apparel, hoodies, flags, etc. Even I succumbed to it, something which I thought would never happen. I went to the city hall and was excited to see all the people there to see the flame as it was carried past. I won't explain it, chances are you've been inundated with enough olympic pride media to last you a lifetime. I will, for the moment, refrain from all my negative thoughts towards the olympics, u know, all that crap about it coming out of our taxpaying asses for the next millenium or 2. My friend Mess came to spend a few days here with me, to see Van and all the fun olympic stuff. that is an adventure I will explain in detail at another time. We spent 3 straight days downtown, and although nice, I am still recovering from the craziness. I nearly lost my voice and my mind! I am now committed to hiding in my bed with my puppy, only leaving the house for work or school for the next few weeks. I'm a people person and even iI'm sick to death of people right now! Oh yes, and might I mention very smartly that having the olympics here has NOT been good for business! Our restaurant is growing cobwebs in it!

Notice a growing trend, I am going through my thoughts in the order I described to you in the first paragraph. I am not even half done.....which is fine. But I'm tired now so I suppose that I will have to do this in 2 parts. I know much of this has seemed somber, but thats only because I'm getting it out of the way.  All the happy things I was thinking about today are coming up....I promise!

Friday, February 19, 2010

weird dreams

So I've been noticing that I've been having a lot of strange dreams lately....and they often seem to involve people who are actually no longer in my life. People who I loved dearly but the relationship became more caustic and harmful than good. I find myself wondering, why am I dreaming about these people? Is it because it is my subconscious way of telling me that I'm moving on, or is it that I just miss them? Maybe it's both, maybe it's neither, All I keep telling myself is that these people aren't in my life for a reason, and I have to hold true to that.

On a lighter note, it has been absolutely beautiful here, so sunny and warm, all of the daffodils and crocuses are beginning to bloom. It always makes me feel hopeful for the future, to see spring steadily approaching. Jaika, my puppy, has been loving this weather, and constantly asks to be let outside or go for walks! (Yes, she's not too subtle about standing at the door and whining!) She's a bit of a diva and hates the rain, so this is a nice change for her!

In any case, odd dreams or no, in the morning, after the cobwebs clear and the sun is shining, it's hard to remember what all those silly things were about.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Cool makeup tutorials

Well, this has been a pretty good week. Yesterday I checked out all the Olympic Pavilions downtown, visited my good old Saskatchewan Pavilion, which was nice to have a little taste of home. But I'll talk about that later, and post all the pics. Right now, I want to talk about something else quickly.

I hope that you all enjoyed my little talk about beauty products the other day. It is meant to be just tongue in cheek, enjoyable stuff. You know when you find things you really like, you want to tell your friends about it, whether it be makeup, a new blender or a tv show! So that's just basically what this is! Obviously, I'm no makeup expert or anything like that....although I do know some things! Regardless, if you actually want tips from a bonified makeup artist, go to   She's really incredible and sweet and teaches you makeup looks step by step; and she is a real artist, she does alot of work in LA with photo shoots and celebs. She also does these neat tutorials for doing makeup for halloween costumes; anything from snow white to the queen of hearts to jem!

So thats it for now! Peace and love!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Makeup loves!

So for my first attempt at writing something everyday, I am going to write about something shallow. I mean, I have a lot of other things to say, which I will, but right now this is something fun and easy. Ok, so what is it? My newfound obsession with makeup! Eye makeup especially. One late night, after a few glasses of wine, I was randomly searching youtube videos, when I came across this vlogger. Her name is Aubrey, and she does makeup reviews and tutorials. At first I thought her to be a little vapid, but once I watched a few vlogs, I saw she was quite experienced with makeup, and smart besides. (she's studying nursing in school) I've found so many new products from her, and learnt new application techniques as well. Ok, so her vlog is  Decide for yourself. Take it with a grain of salt, as I did. This is not the stuff life is made of, but just one of the fun things a girl can do to treat herself now and then.

Ok, so with that said, I have mentioned being really into eye makeup right now. Specifically, I'm loving Urban decay products. They're really highly pigmented, so you don't need alot, and they go on so even and smooth. Plus, they have great colors for every occasion. (should I be an urban decay rep, lol?) So last week I was checking out my People mag: style watch edition, when I came across this. It's a special edition palette from Urban Decay; the Alice in Wonderland book of shadows.


So pretty!
Ok, so I went on youtube and watched a whole bunch of vlogs about people getting this palette, and of course all the reviews were awesome. So many nice colours, plus it came with 2 eyeliners, and their top selling eye primer potion. You could get this product at either or sephora, so of course I resolved to go the very next day to nab it. You know how you find something you really want, and can't stop thinking about it? I was a woman possessed! Well of course I wanted it for the makeup, but I also really wanted it for the packaging. It's got this gorgeous pop up of a scene from the book, movie, etc. I have loved alice in wonderland since I was a little girl. For those of you who know me well, that shouldn't be a surprise, as I have always been a big fan of all literature and movies of the fantasy genre. I remember reading the book, and wishing I were Alice, that such a place existed. But I digress. So, here was the next day, and I just had to go get this thing. I knew it was really popular and might be sold out, but I was crossing my fingers. Alas, they were all sold out, by the second day! And because it was a limited edition, the sales girl said they probably won't even get anymore in. WAAAAAHHH! I was so disappointed.  But I couldn't leave without getting something, right? I mean, I had planned my day and gone out of my way to come all the way down here, I can't just leave emply handed? Lol, oh I can pretty much justify anything if I really want to! So I went into the urban decay aisle, hoping to lift my spirits. And I found a smaller book of shadows, that I had remembered hearing good things about.  Lots of the girls on youtube had said the alice book of  shadows had many of the shadows from different smaller books that were always available. So this is what I got.

It's called the Urban Decay Ammo Eye Palette ($44) CA avail @ Sephora.

Of course I couldn't walk away without a good set of eye brushes. Trust me, I'm a true believer of good brushes now. Even with a good product those little sponge things or cheap, crappy brushes just don't do your eyes justice. I walked around a bit and looked at a few different sets until I decided on one. Okay, so not super cheap, but still reasonable, and I figure it's an investment. I chose the Too Faced Teddy Bear Hair Set.
 Available for ($70) CA at Sephora stores.
These brushes are sooo nice, and they come with the cutest pink carrying case! It has 4 eye brushes; fluff, angled liner, angled shadow, crease, and a blush brush, which I kind of needed a new one of anyway. These are made of synthetic hair, and so soft and smooth. They work really well and I couldn't be happier with them. 

I also bought the Urban Decay Eye Primer Potion. This was also included in the Alice Palette that I wanted, and I had heard tons of good comments on this product. I may like makeup, but I don't usually like a ton of steps. On a normal day I like my makeup to be done in ten minutes from start to finish. So I'd never used an eye primer before, much less a good one. I love this stuff! The applicator has a slanty brush, so that it's easier to apply. It goes on so smooth and seamless, and really makes your eyeshadow last all day, and not crease. I even did a little experiment where I did one eye with it and one without. Guess which eye looked better at the end of the day!
Available for ($22) CA @ Sephora.

So that's my makeup haul for the month. It's pretty good and I'm quite happy with it, even if I didn't get the Alice In Wonderland Palette. (sniff!) Hopefully they decide to release more at some point...I'll be waiting! So now I'm going to try to be productive before I go to work, and take the dog for a walk. She's giving me "Mom, I have to poop" eyes. Have a good day all!

Drivel...aka Writing Workout Day #1

One thing that I've definetly noticed in the last few years is how much harder it is to write. When I was in high school, writing was such a huge part of my life, I did it every single day. Now, I go days without writing. I don't know it just life in general that prevents this? Just being tired from work and school and the normal stuff? Or is it deeper rooted, a personal writers block, if you will. Sometimes I think it is just pure laziness, not wanting to put in the effort. So much of the time, when I do decide to write, I am impatient for it to be done, such as now. Like, ok, that's enough, I'm tired. Like jeez, I slept for 9 hours last night, there should be no excuse! Maybe it's like working out; you have to do it all the time to stay in shape. Maybe I have to write everyday, even if it's just pure drivel, just to keep the mind sharp. Okaaaay, so that's not a bad idea. Maybe that's what I'll do. So call this writing workout day number one. Not my best work, but so what? I have so many thoughts and opinions, ideas, and things I just want to say. I have the right to be able to express and share them with others. So I guess I should just hurry up and get to it then?

Sunday, January 17, 2010

things that make you go hmm...part 2.

In response to your comment on my last blog, Jen, that is very true, I'm sure!  I just wrote it right when I woke up, so that my mind didn't really have time to process it! Now that it has, I really do believe it doesn't have literal meaning. Dreams seldom do! I think it does refer to my moving on, and that I'm just nice enough to wish him well in the universe. It's always been hard for me to be vindictive, even to those who have wronged me. If I were angry about everyone who was ever an ass to me, I'd be mad 24/7!

Things that make u go hmm.....

I woke up today feeling very out of sorts. I didn't wake up on the wrong side of the bed, I woke up on the wrong side of reality. I had all these dreams about my ex. I was at his house with his family, but he wasn't there, and no one knew where he was because he had taken off months ago. (not untrue in real life!) His family felt so bad, and they loved me somehow, and just wanted their son to come home for my sake and theirs. So there I was in this big house with all these kind people, just waiting for him to come home. And finally he comes home, but he looks so different, but I don't seem to care, I still love him. He says he is sorry and promises this time things will be different. (again not untrue in real life!) And I don't want to but I try to believe him. Then he is gone and I am running through the house looking for him. You know, that dream sequence where you just keep opening door after door? And then I woke up. It was such a realistic, vivid dream, that I was left feeling very disconnected, almost as if my body didn't want to leave my dreams behind.

Abandonment issues, anyone?

No, I know that day by day I am getting stronger. I'm not sad the way I used to be. I've been doing so many good things for myself, and honestly discovering more about me and my life everyday. Thats why I'm so pissed about this came out of nowhere. I haven't been thinking about him that much anymore, so why now does this dream have to remind me of him? Was doing just fine without that piece of info, thank you!

Ugh, I'm just going to make myself a pancake breakfast, and forget the whole thing!