Don't give up

After about 5 hours of fitful dreams, I found myself awake this morning at 530am. This is in no way typical for me; I am a good sleeper normally. I found myself laying in bed trying to figure out what had me so twisted up and anxious. It occured to me that I had allowed myself to temporarily 'believe the hype', and had become discouraged. I'm already shaking it off, and returning to normal. I'm glad that I have the constitution to be able to do that, I have been known to hold onto certain things in the past. Still do sometimes, but I'm working on that. I feel this saying of

is very true, and it took me a long time to learn how to be the kind of person who could let things go. Doesn't mean I'm cured, just means I am much more inclined to not let things stop me. In no way does this mean I am referring that there is someone in my past I am still hurt about. It's more about the philosophy that I have been through that and now know how to let go...most of the time! But I digress. How did this all begin? Recently, as in the last 3 years of my life, but more specifically in the last year, I have been doing some very serious thinking. I feel as though in the last year I have come across more knowledge and revelations then I have in my whole lifetime! Trust me when I say it has been a lot to take in, but nothing that I couldn't handle. I just needed to teach myself how to accept and process things in a new way. Again, doesn't mean I've near mastered it. I figure practice makes perfect, so I'm just going to keep on trying and learning. All of this has forced me to truly re-evaluate what is important in my life, what do I really value. The short answer would be family,loved ones and quality of life. QUALITY OF LIFE! The long answer is one I am going to be happy to start sharing my thoughts on here with everyone, as I have already been doing in my day to day life. Now, in order to create the life I now want for myself, it is going to require drastic changes for myself. Initially I had to start small, and slowly sell myself on these changes. The great thing was, the more I did that, the more it worked! I began to get really excited about my life, about my future, more so than anytime in my life ever! Does this not seem like a reason to rejoice? Yes.....and no. I am smart enough to not 'put the cart before the horse', and not create a fantasy future image in my head. Nothing in reality can compete with that if you do that. I don't think its healthy to think the grass is greener on the other side. I have done that before and it's never been good for me. Rather, I'd like to think, it's not really about the 'grass' this time, but rather what being on the grass is going to allow me to do with my life. I have decided, however, that until my life changes are starting to be in effect, that I'm not going to talk about them to everyone, and glorify them. No, I'm not making promises I'm not going to keep this time. But that doesn't mean I'm not so so excited for them! Now, my funny sleep patterns last night stemmed from me having a moment of doubt before I went to bed. Was I making the right choices, and for the right reasons? Was I really going to be able to do it, stay with it? I believe doubt is healthy in small doses. It is your minds way of telling you that there's still something that needs more thought or work. Thankfully, it was a case of small doubt. I was able to sort it out in my mind this morning, and am now more resolute then ever. I can tell you that I have never been more determined in life then I am right now. Haha you doubtfairies, Laleh wins again! So the moral of the story? Don't give up.