Sunday, January 17, 2010

things that make you go hmm...part 2.

In response to your comment on my last blog, Jen, that is very true, I'm sure!  I just wrote it right when I woke up, so that my mind didn't really have time to process it! Now that it has, I really do believe it doesn't have literal meaning. Dreams seldom do! I think it does refer to my moving on, and that I'm just nice enough to wish him well in the universe. It's always been hard for me to be vindictive, even to those who have wronged me. If I were angry about everyone who was ever an ass to me, I'd be mad 24/7!

Things that make u go hmm.....

I woke up today feeling very out of sorts. I didn't wake up on the wrong side of the bed, I woke up on the wrong side of reality. I had all these dreams about my ex. I was at his house with his family, but he wasn't there, and no one knew where he was because he had taken off months ago. (not untrue in real life!) His family felt so bad, and they loved me somehow, and just wanted their son to come home for my sake and theirs. So there I was in this big house with all these kind people, just waiting for him to come home. And finally he comes home, but he looks so different, but I don't seem to care, I still love him. He says he is sorry and promises this time things will be different. (again not untrue in real life!) And I don't want to but I try to believe him. Then he is gone and I am running through the house looking for him. You know, that dream sequence where you just keep opening door after door? And then I woke up. It was such a realistic, vivid dream, that I was left feeling very disconnected, almost as if my body didn't want to leave my dreams behind.

Abandonment issues, anyone?

No, I know that day by day I am getting stronger. I'm not sad the way I used to be. I've been doing so many good things for myself, and honestly discovering more about me and my life everyday. Thats why I'm so pissed about this came out of nowhere. I haven't been thinking about him that much anymore, so why now does this dream have to remind me of him? Was doing just fine without that piece of info, thank you!

Ugh, I'm just going to make myself a pancake breakfast, and forget the whole thing!