Karma

It's so sad how things turn out sometimes. You always assume that your loved ones are going to support your decisions and, even if they don't like them, will come talk to you about them so that they can get the real picture, instead of jumping to the first and worst conclusion. You don't think they will go and spread around your dirty laundry because they are mad at you. That's not honorable. Whether it be family or friends, even if they have wronged me, I don't go and spill their thoughts, feelings or secrets to others the first chance I get. Two wrongs don't make a right. I may not be perfect, I have never implied that I am, but I would never dishonor myself or any of my loved ones in that manner. If nothing else, this situation has served to teach me who I can and cannot trust. Being ostrasized is never an enjoyable experience. But now I know that I am strong enough to stand tall, stand up for myself, and request that others take responsibility for their mistakes, I feel alot better. Just remember...karma doesn't discriminate against anyone. It holds everyone on the same level on the justice scale. What you give is what you get. So for those who have given poorly, karma has an appointment with you. I have given so much and gotten so little in return; but I know it's only a matter of time before that changes; so I am grateful for the life lessons, and will continue to try and do my best!

Thanksgiving revelations

I learned something important about myself last night. Well, not so much about myself as much as about the people in my life. Blood isn't always thicker than water. The word 'family' doesn't always mean relatives. Family are those people who love you, support you when you are down, are happy for you when you are happy, accept you for who you are, don't judge you, and most importantly, you can be yourself around them and fully enjoy their company! All I can say is I have some friends that fit the family bill better than my family does. I have decided that whoever actually fits into those parameters, blood or not, are the people I'd most like to spend the majority of my time with, on regular days or holidays. Don't feel obligated to be with people you don't make you feel good just because they are related to you. I know so many people who are completely miserable during the holidays because they think they have to spend them with their parents, siblings, cousins, uncles, etc, and they end up never having a good time. Being related, unfortunately, isn't a prerequisite for having to treat each other well. Now don't read into this too much. I'm not saying I'm being treated badly by anyone, because I'm absolutely not. It's more just a general feeling of not fully belonging, feeling like the outsider looking in. All I'm saying is I have people in my life that don't make me feel that way, and they're not related to me. But that doesn't make them any less important. In fact, it makes them more special because they're not my relatives; there's no moral familial obligation to be nice to me simply because we have the same dna.

Of course these feelings do not encompass my entire family unit; there are those who love me and accept me as I am and I fully enjoy them. They know who they are! All I can say to them is thank you for loving me with no judgement or limitations. It means so much to me!

Long overdue

It's been awhile. Partly for 2 reasons actually. First because my old laptop went to computer heaven so I didn't really have regular access to the internet. Second because I really didn't 'feel' like writing. Do you ever just feel like you have nothing to say? That's writers block for me, I just get in these modes where I don't have anything I want to say. I know, for those of you who know me that's sort of shocking right? Well, it happens to the best of us, right? It's not because I was depressed or anything, I just needed to process things, take a break from my mind; I feel like if I'm going to write I should have something relevant to say,(at least relevant to me) otherwise I shouldn't bother. So I'm going to try.

I read back on blogs I've posted in the past, and I get reminded of all the hopes and dreams and goals I have for myself. What it's made me realize is that I forget very quickly what those goals are unless they are screaming reminders in my face everyday. It's so easy to forget about what you want sometimes, it seems to get lost in the everyday problems of life, work, bills, etc. Time goes by so quickly and then you look back and realize all your dreams have been put on hold by all the bull that gets in the way. How do you manage to do the mundane things that you have to do everyday to survive (ie work) and then still have the drive or time or energy to remember that you need to pursue your passions as well? I guess that's one of the big reasons that I didn't feel like writing. I wasn't doing the things I wanted, wasn't pursuing them. Life goes by very quickly with just your job and school and chores to pass the time. It's like you take the time to look back on it and it's the same old story. I started out with all these goals, and yes I'm on the path to following some of them, but mainly, not so much. I had made a list of all these goals, but I didn't do what I should have with it. I didn't put it in my face. I didn't put it somewhere that I could see it everyday. That's what I need to do, I think that it would help. So that's what I'm going to do. End of story.

In other news, I got another job. It's in yaletown, and it's this great new italian restaurant/lounge called Fiasco. We just opened last week, and it's been going pretty good. We're relatively busy, but I know we'll get busier still, people just need to know we're there and we'll slowly grow from that. We have great food and cocktails plus live music and dj's on the weekend, so it's a great start. Plus I really love all the staff I work with, we have a great little team. Everyone is very experienced in the industry and really passionate about food and people. I'm excited to see where it goes! Come check it out if you're in Vancouver, and let me know how you like it! We are at 1168 Hamilton.

Besides that, I am in school part time. It's only one day, so I still have time for other things. I really need to start banking my christmas money now; I want to go home to saskatchewan this year. It's what I'm looking forward to actually. I haven't been home since last summer so of course I'm starting to get a little homesick. I think it'll do alot to boost my spirits. Yes I like xmas here, but PA is where I grew up and spent most of my holidays. It doesn't feel the same when I'm not home with them on the special days. Just like most families we have our own special traditions and I'm looking forward to that most of all.

Happy thanksgiving to everyone. Hope you have alot to be thankful for.