So my dog. Oh, there are so many things to say about her. I love her to death; she makes my day brighter, and puts a smile on my face. That much is granted. When I am having a bad day, she will just come sit her wee little self on my lap and look up at me with those big brown eyes, and I feel just a little better than I did the moment before. How can life be that bad if God makes such adorable things that only want your love? But how I do worry about her.....I know that I don't always have as much time as I'd truly like for her.....I feel guilty that we don't get to do as many of the things as I always plan for us to do....go to the doggy park, go to obedience, go for daily walks. Don't get me wrong, we still do these things, just not as frequently as I'd like us to. I feel that if I did these things more often with her that she would be a better dog. Not that she is a bad dog, mind you, she just has some things that she needs to work on. She just had her first birthday, so she is still a pretty hyper rambunctious little monkey. I think that the hyperness sometimes takes over the part of the brain that remembers not to pee in the house, or that chewing the bottom of mommas couches is a no no. So I just try to reinforce her training, and trust that a combination of reaffirming and growing older will do the trick. She has learned sit, lie down, go outside, go in your kennel, go in your bed, here, and of course the often used no and bad dog! Although I must say she is good more than she is bad, she's not a yappy little thing, and has such a sweet and loving disposition that it is hard not to love her. Still, I do worry and hope that she will be a smart, obedient, well adjusted little dog. She is already those things, I just know we can do better! Yes, if it sounds like I'm talking like I have a kid, she's the closest thing I've got right now!
Oh boys.....thats the thing I try to think about as little as possible, but sometimes it's hard not to. The time I find myself thinking about then the most is when I'm on the bus, listening to my music. Then I look back on old relationships, sometimes smiling about them, sometimes trying to hold all the sadness in so it doesn't show on my face and spill out of my eyes. There are things that I'm sad about and regret and are happy that they happened all at the same time. I wouldn't be who I am without all these choices, right or wrong. Of course, there are some that I think of more than others....the ones that I truly loved with all my heart....Ive been lucky enough to love three men that way, no matter the outcome I remember that my heart once belonged to them....and it gives me hope, that it can one day belong to someone else. Someone else that will love me for my strange and funny self, and someone who I will never be bored of. I want to never run out of things to talk about, and I always want us to make one another laugh. But the truth is, for the first time in my life, although I do want these things, I am not actively trying in any way to find him. Of course I did know this, of course people told me this.....that I have to take care of and love myself first, and the rest comes later. But you know how it is. Sometimes you have to figure it out yourself for it to make sense to you, And now it does. I am doing more now for myself then I have ever done in my life. I am taking care of, loving, and nourishing me. In order for a man to be allowed into my life, he has to allow me to continue to do these things for myself, without stifling me, while at the same time giving me love and nourishment too. I know now that is the way that it is supposed to be with someone.
Home decor....well I can't get into that one too much without revealing too much. Let's just say for now that I have increasingly, unwittingly realized that my love for interior design is another part of my artistic inclinations coming out. It started from just loving to look through the ikea or sears catalogs, and wanting to make my place pretty, to watching HGTV and reading design mags compusively. I'm really into this kind of french contempo/modern mix, sometimes with a little middle eastern influence thrown in. Here's one pic that I really like.
There's this absolutely beautiful little furniture store on west broadway here, called Villa Beau interiors; its very french and black and white and mirrors and fabulousity! If I had the dinero, that's the first place I'd go to redo my home. It used to be right by where I used to catch the bus home from my old job. Whilst waiting for the bus, sometimes I would just stand in front of the window of the shop, taking it all in and daydreaming simultaneously. Have I mentioned that I love daydreaming? I do find that I have to actively try to keep it to a minimum, because if there's too much dreaming the bad side effect ends up being that I'm disappointed with real life. And I don't like that.
Video cameras. So I've noticed lately that I'm really enjoying making experimental self blogs with my webcam. Nooooo, I have not worked up the courage to post any of them yet, so don't ask! That's a whole other subject entirely! Regardless, I am enjoying it, but I noticed how crappy the quality is. Also, I've been watching some really awesome chick vloggers on youtube, and they talk about their cams on there, which are of course, those nice new hd quality cams. I also am doing more travelling and exploring and such, and would really like to chronicle mine and my friends experiences. Or just anything I find interesting or funny. Whatever! So I was in future shop one day and decided to check them out. My oh my, what rock have I been hiding under! They are so much smaller than they used to be, and so cute and come in so many colors! Hehehe, the things that I get excited about! And they are quite affordable too! Another thing to add to my "I want" list.
So I'm going to end this novel before it gets too big. Guess I'll just have to make a part three. Only thing I want to say really quick is that I just finished watching the movie Cairo Time. Now it's not a big blockbuster so many of you may not have heard of it, but I highly suggest you watch it. It is kind of a romantic movie, but it is also more. I wanted to go to Cairo before I saw this movie, but now even more. It's beautiful, scary, and oh so different from our lives here. Really makes you think about how there is just so much diversity in the world that we just don't get to see. Go, travel, see it! Also, I mustn't lie, I loved that Alexander Siddig is in it. I think that he is just the most gorgeous man, and his voice, well you just have to hear it. If you are wondering who he is, he was Dr Julian Bashir on Deep Space Nine (yes, we've already established that I'm a trekkie, you don't need to remind me!) , and he was also in Kingdom of Heaven and Syriana. I'd marry him if he wasn't so much older than me. Well, 14 years older, but who's counting? Guess I am?
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